I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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