Apparently you make a good broom.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
