i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
