We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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