Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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