Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
