I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
