There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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