the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
vagina is talking i cant
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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