Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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