census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
