I just made out with a guy for $7.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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