Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
