I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
