I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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