Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
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I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
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she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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