Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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