I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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