Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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