In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
