I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
