So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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