idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
