my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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