eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
