can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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