he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
