Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Someone came in the potted fern
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
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