I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
