I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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