when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
