this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize