the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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