I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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