a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize