Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
