i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
