Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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