So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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