Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
