worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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