I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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