I accidentally burped into my bong.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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