that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
