There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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