It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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