Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
