i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Are we still banned from the library?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
