He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize