You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
