it wasn't lemon gatorade
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
