Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
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Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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