oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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