I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
He passed out mid-signature
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
