During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
COCAINE IS GR8
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
