dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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