This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Alive.
So much puke
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
