Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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