Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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