Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
