Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize