the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
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