My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
