we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I have already put on my inside pants.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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