Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
