If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
